Paradigm Shift
by heiress malfoy
Summary: Hermione Granger suddenly found herself falling for her best friend Harry, and strangely enough, for the once hated Draco as well. Expect infidelity, pregnancy tests, lies, betrayal and oh yeah, snogs galore! Please post any comment. Thanks!
1. Silent Battles

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Yeah, JKR owns everything. But I wish she'll give me Draco. Oh well, wishful thinking.

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©Paradigm Shift  
Chapter One – Silent Battles

Chairs creaking as they were pushed against the wooden floor, the sound of pages being turned, a series of whispers and little giggles filled the room, the scent of fresh printed parchment and ink filled my nostrils…this was it, my redemption, my refuge. It's the only place where I can be alone, away from it all and be who I am. Here, I didn't feel insecure about what other people may think of me, because I find peace here. When others may loathe this place, and stay away from it the least they can, this is where I often go to find myself and to go away from it all.

This is the library.

In the company of books and different artifacts, I find my place. I tirelessly search and learn new knowledge everyday and every time I learn new things, the more I yearn for them. It's like a pill that I can't seem to get rid off. Maybe even a disease. Laugh all you want but that's me.

Yeah, that's me. The walking encyclopedia, best of my year (as far as they told me), little miss perfect….wait make that Prefect. Loved and hated by some. But deep inside, I'm still me.

I'm Hermione Granger, and this is all I'll ever be.

I'm the girl who constantly tosses her hand up the air to answer every question in class. I can't help it. It's as if my hands have a life of their own. Hey, at least I know the answers. I have bushy hair and abnormally large teeth…before. Ever since our Yule Ball on our fourth year I have been keeping my appearance well, more how do you say this? Appealing? Hell, who cares anyway?

Some of my friends find me irritating at times since they are getting sick and tired of me for being such a know-it-all. I am, am I? I always have the habit of disagreeing into things that seemed wrong to me, making decisions for example. But that's me. So stick with it.

Others may misjudge me but what they do not know is that I'm just like them. I'm also a simple girl, only wanting to finish studying in Hogwarts. I'm a girl that also likes the opposite sex, but I just don't show it. I cry, I laugh, and I get hurt. And I can also love.

Love? What exactly is love? Is it every time your heart beats faster when you caught a sight of him? Is it the every instant that you blush when he smiles and puts his hand around you? Is it being uncomfortable when he's near? Is love being there when you needed him the most? Is it the urge to even give up all you have for him?

Is love secretly keeping what you feel inside with the fear of only hurting him?

Or is it letting go?

If that's love, then I'm guilty. Send dementors to take me to Azkaban any day.

Hey, maybe I don't even need love. It's been killing me anyway. It's killing me every time I see him happy with another girl. How many times have I sat and said what if that girl was me?

It could've been me.

That's what I say to myself over and over again. If I just worked up any courage left in me and told it to him straight then maybe it could've been me. But I was so scared, I was so caught up with I feel that I have become confused. I was never the same again. Maybe he noticed, maybe not. But I still put on a happy face when I'm around him, although deep inside I was already dying.

If love was really dying for the one you love then I'm getting close. I feel like dying already.

But what if I die? Will he mourn for me? Will he cry? Will he be sad? Will he even realize my worth?

I really don't know what love is at the moment, but what I do know is that if I keep on talking to myself I'll never finish this forsaken essay on Potions. Damn that Professor Snape. I smiled, if only they knew I was cursing our Potions teacher they would've been surprised. It's not in my nature really…well, I do it occasionally. Especially at times like this, when five rolls of parchment was not merely enough. I can't stop writing. And its torture every time I can't put into words how I feel. If they gave an assignment to discuss on Snape's sexuality then that's easy. I bet he's never been laid. I think he's gay. I mean that long greasy hair was a dead giveaway. Sometimes I even laugh at the thought that maybe Lucius Malfoy and Snape were lovers.

Oh shit, here I go again. I'm not being myself again. Damn, I think I've got Ron's horrible sense of humor again.

He's the one who opened that up about Snape. And that maybe the reason behind his grumpiness was because of not getting laid ever. Poor Snape, when he will ever get laid?

I let out a giggle. Harry will be surprised if he knew I'm making fun of Snape in my own way. Oh he'll have a laugh, that Harry…

Oh Harry…if you only knew…

I wouldn't want to get into that now. I get all frigid and panicky everytime I mention his name. If I say or hear his name one more time I swear I'll probably freak out…

"How about Harry? He's cute isn't he?" then a number of girly giggles were heard

"Yeah! And did you see those biceps of his? Sweet Merlin! I would transfigurate myself into a broom if I could!"

"I wonder how will if feel being ridden by him?

Some gasped.

"No! I didn't mean it THAT way, as a broom I mean…"

Damn it.

I immediately turned my direction to where those giggles were heard. I was right, my first guess was right. For Pete's sakes, this is the library, not a social area to talk about crushes and stuff! It's them again, and I can't stand it every time I hear them talk about Harry behind his back….

Ok, ok, I'm a little pissed that's all…

I stood up and went to the table up front. They were still giggling. How insentive can they get? People are studying here! I composed myself and put on a happy prefect face.

"Hi girls…" I said

They stopped laughing. Finally, they realized I was there. "Oh hi Hermione!" beamed Ginny and the usual suspects. Lavender, Padma and Patil, and what? Luna too!

If I can just wipe off the silly smiles on your faces I would've done it a long time ago…

I thought quietly. I seriously find it disturbing every time they talk about boys. There's nothing wrong with that but please, don't let me hear them. I feel the hairs on my arm rise from their very ends when I hear the gory details!

"We're we disturbing you or something 'Mione?" asked Ginny

"Kinda. This is a library after all Ginny. Please spare me a little peace and quiet, hmm?"

"Oh…ok then, we'll keep it low if that's what you mean." Answered Lav-lav. Lavender! I mean Lavender.

Lavender pisses me off. Don't ask me why because I don't even know it myself. Maybe it's the way she responds to every question I ask, with that awful smirk on her face. Her snogging Ronald is fine with me, they can snog all they want. But talking about Harry's essentials behind my back is another thing. I am, I assure you, a very overprotective girlfriend.

Shit.

Friend. I mean best friend.

"What's up with me today!" I accidentally blurted out aloud. Upon realizing that, I covered my mouth with a free hand.

I smiled apologetically, "Sorry…I don't know what came over me."

"You ok Hermione?" asked Ginny

I just nodded. But really, I'm not ok. Maybe I won't ever be ok. Never. Not until I get this awful feeling off my aching chest.

But I don't want it out though. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I prefer not ever being ok than to get hurt.

"I think I'll go ahead. I'll continue doing this essay in the common room. See you there Gin. Bye guys." I bid them goodbye

"Bye Hermione." They chorused. But I still caught a glimpse of Ginny shaking her head as I headed for the main entrance. She too, maybe noticed the sudden change in me these days.

I just sighed and headed for the Gryffindor common room.

After passing a couple of fellow prefects, bumping into that cow Parkinson, (who was surprising nice to me today), and breaking up a fight of a couple of first years I finally found peace in the comfort of the Gryffindor Common room.

Placing my quills, books, and parchments on the desk nearby I silently cursed upon remembering that my Potions book was borrowed by Ron. Now, I can't continue on doing my essay. Where is he anyway?

Probably having Quidditch practice with Harry that's where…

That meant I have to stay here and sulk as I wait for their practice to finish. It was times like this that I wish I knew how to play Quidditch. But I'm not the sporty type. Books do me just fine. I don't want to actually play it anyway; I just wish that I knew how to play. I envy Ginny there. It's a plus for her, zero for me. Bet that's why Harry likes her…I think.

I can't lie to myself. I do envy her. Harry has told me he actually likes her. But didn't tell her or Ron because she is after all, Ron's sister. My I felt my heart break up into tiny little pieces when Harry told me that. I was there, but he noticed another. Who was there when we rescued Sirius on the third year? Me. Who stood up beside him when Ron didn't believe him? Me. Who taught him the summoning spell before the first task in the Tri-wizard tournament? Me. Who was there when he needed someone to talk to? Me.

And who's suffering when he gets hurt and loved him even if he didn't give love back?

Me.

Me, me, me. Pathetic little me. It's partly my fault. I didn't say a thing. It's my fault for having these feelings for him that only came into my realization recently. Yeah, six years of friendship and it's only now that I realized that I actually love him…even from the very beginning.

My mind travels back in time when I meet a bespectacled boy with untidy hair on the train to Hogwarts. When he took my hand I already felt the tension…and I was never the same. I will always be grateful to Neville's frog Trevor for getting lost that day. If not for him, I wouldn't have looked for him in Harry's compartment anyway. God bless his soul.

Harry Potter was The Boy Who Lived.

But to me, He's the boy I loved. And will forever love.

I snapped back to reality when I heard the door open. I straightened up and grabbed any book I could lay my hands on when I heard the sound of footsteps get nearer.

Holy Merlin. It's him.

My heart skipped a beat with anticipation. I listened again, then I knew those footsteps were his. It's silly, but every gesture he does I knew of. He has a different expression when being sad, happy or pissed. I know his scent, the sound of his laughter, and the sobs he make whenever he cries. I know everything about him.

And how I wished he could do the same to me…

"Oh hi Hermione! I thought this place's deserted…"

I turned to look at him. He's wearing his Quidditch robes and his broom clasped in his other hand. His glasses glittering to the reflection of the emitted by the fire place. Wearing a smile on his thin red lips, I knew at that moment I was in heaven.

"Oh h-hi H-arry! Practice done so soon?"

"Yeah," he smothered his hair with his free hand as if to tantalize me "We had a little problem…"

"Problem?" I asked

"Dean and Ron had a little misunderstanding a while back. I grew sick and tired of their constant fits with each other so I left them there in the field. I dunno if they even noticed I was gone. They were too busy shouting at each other to barely even notice me leave…"

"Oh. Do you think it has something to do with Ginny?" I accidentally blurted out.

I saw his expression change when I mentioned her name. Damn it Hermione. You know he freaks out even at the slightest hearing of her name!

"N-no idea. Maybe. I'm not sure…" he smiled at me again as I did the same.

For a minute he just stood there, looking at me. As I too looked back at him. We didn't say a thing to one another. Either one of us dared to break the silence. I waited for him to speak but he didn't. It was as if he waited for me to say something.

Is it possible that he noticed? He couldn't have. I was too careful when I'm around him. Like now for example.

I searched for any smart retort and finally broke the silence "Harry can I borrow your Potions book for a while?" Nice save.

"Oh. Ok. Still not done with your essay?"

"Almost. I'm halfway there. You?"

"You know the answer to that 'Mione. Of course I'm still not done. I haven't even started yet!" he let out a chuckle

"Want me to help you?" I volunteered. Nothing new. I've always helped him do his homework.

"If it's ok with you that is."

"Yeah, no biggie." I replied

He didn't reply as he headed for the stairs leading to the boys' dormitories. I thought that was it but then I heard his voice again.

"I thought you wanna borrow the book?" he asked, a playful smile forming on his lips

I arched an eyebrow. "Yeah, I do." I answered back

"Well get up then. Follow me…" he offered up a hand, wanting me to take it.

"Where?" I innocently asked. But I think I already knew where…

"Upstairs, where else? Come in for a while. I need company." He pleaded as I finally took his hand.

The boys dormitory. Alone. With Harry.

Holy crap. Not good.

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End of chapter


	2. Urge to Faint

Disclaimer: Yes, I still don't own anything. Don't shove it in.

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©Paradigm Shift  
Chapter Two – Urge to Faint

Okay, I've been to the boys' dormitory countless times now and you ask '_Why the hell would she be scared of going there now?' _Well, maybe it's because I'm alone with my best friend who happens to be the one I'm hopelessly in love with and I don't think I can bare to think of what can possibly happen if we're left alone which I would partially want to happen but not right now. Made sense?

Oh Dumbledore's arse! Why am I talking to myself!

If you think this could not get any crazier well think again. Because it seemed that my feet had a mind of its own as it started to climb the stairs, wasting no time at all stepping unto one step after the other. And before I knew it, Harry opened the door to his room and asked to let me in…which I so obediently followed into.

The room pretty much stayed the same since the last time I've been here…which was only two days ago when I helped them out on an essay. Dean, Neville and Seamus didn't seem to mind me staying there at all. Actually, I think they were a bit thrilled of the idea. And of course Harry and Ron, being the gentlemen that they are, put their beds together to make more room for me to sleep in. Unfortunately, nobody ended up spooning someone…for they were to careful not to budge in their sleep. Needless to say, we slept like the living dead that night. And I think I won't be sleeping again in that bed anytime soon. Well, maybe. It depends.

Before I could even further think of any sensual thoughts about that bed I sat on the edge of his bed as I caught a glimpse of him smiling at me.

My poor heart skipped.

I got it bad…_real _bad.

I looked around a bit to get distracted. Or else I'll probably drool if he smiles again. And that's not a good thing.

Of course, the walls were plastered with posters of their favorite Quidditch teams…and Merlin help me because I don't know who these people are. They were flying, mounting their brooms and smiling at me. What is it with boys and Quidditch? I just don't get it. And I probably never will. The only player I know of was Viktor, and he's poster used to be here somewhere until Ron took it off the wall, replacing it with something else. But I think it's still under his bed.

To check, I bent over and peered under his bed. True enough, it was still there. Krum was even waving at me. Silly, but not so long ago I used to fancy the guy. But really…I prefer someone who has depth and sensible, thoughtful, brave and may occasionally have fits. Not the bulky kinda guy. He must be a little outgoing and oh yeah, can speak good English.

Oh sod off! I'm comparing him with Harry again.

I sighed, cursing silently to myself. Jeez, this is totally getting too far. I can't even stand a minute without thinking about him! And to make things worse, I happen to be always with the guy. How can I get rid of these feelings when I'm with him throughout the day? Well, Ron's with us too but that's different.

Oh daft, this is getting ridiculous!

I shifted my gaze when something caught my eye. I looked at it and instantly I knew it was a book…but not any other book. It's my book, my Potion's book to be exact.

"Hey Harry look at this…" I stood up grabbing hold of the book and showed it to him, "How irresponsible can Ron get? He left this under his bed! He could've said if he didn't have any plans using this, because I shouldn't have lent it to him. This is just fantastic…"

He was untying his Quidditch shoes when he replied, "You know Ron. You shouldn't be surprised. After all, didn't you say that he has an emotional capacity that of a teaspoon?"

I let out a laugh. He was right. I did say that.

I sat again on the edge of his bed, placing the book beside me. I caught a faint smell of chocolate frogs, ink, old socks (the smell was not that bad), and gunpowder (probably from exploding snaps or from another Weasley twins invention, but I didn't bother anyway).

I stared out the window, noticing the nice climate outside. Such a lovely day, I thought. I continued to focus outside the window catching quick glimpses of brooms wheezing by when I heard clipping noises.

I figured Harry must be trimming his broom with the broom servicing kit I gave him for his birthday. I must say I'm very proud to have given it to him; after all, he needs it. My suspicions were proven when I smelled wax. I glanced over my shoulder only to see him waxing the mount of his broom (and I meant that literally. You thought it was the OTHER broom didn't you?). I smiled and continued on looking outside the window.

Sometimes I even think that Harry is getting way too attached with his Firebolt. One time I even caught him talking to it! He calls it his baby for crying out loud! And yeah I would give everything for him to call me that… although I would like sweet cakes a lot better.

_Oh hell's bells_! I'm Hermione Jane Granger. A Gryffindor prefect and a smart one to boot. And yet, here I am, troubled with one problem that had not a solution written on books. I don't think there has ever been a book about how to solve this kind of problem…that I am hopelessly in love with my best friend. Hey, maybe I could write about one. But then again, I don't even have the slightest idea to get out this mess. Much more because I think Harry's taking off his robes behind my back…

Taking off his what!

I slowly turned around only to find him indeed taking off his Quidditch robes. And any minute now he'll be totally naked halfway.

Tarnation! What mess did you get yourself into Hermione!

"Mind if I get dressed 'Mione?" asked Harry, still his back on me untying his robes. I quickly turned my head back and gulped.

"Yeah-yeah… sure. N-no problem." I stuttered and pretended to still have my focus outside the window.

_Oh get yourself together Hermione! You're acting childish! You are his best friend aren't you? Well then, he's supposed to trust you enough to undress here. Besides, it's his room. And by now, after six years, he probably thinks you're already to immune to his uhmm… bare essentials. And for Pete's sake, it's not like he's taking the whole thing off! _

If you think me talking to myself worked, well think again. For by that moment I saw his reflection through the window glass…yup, undressing. I've seen Harry half naked dozens of times, but not when were alone. So I didn't have any time looking at the details… so slap me. Okay back to my window peep show… he's already baring his biceps and those oh so beautiful toned abs. Hey, for a sixteen year old he's very blessed. Thank God for Quidditch…

And oh, don't forget the faint trace of hair on his chest. And on his lower abdomen too, leading to only he knows where.

I can't believe I'm lusting over my best friend… thinking he's god's gift to women or something. Okay, so before I drool over his reflection, and before I become a peeping-tom to boot, I think I better get out of here.

I grabbed my book and headed toward the door.

Good idea? Think again.

I was about to turn the knob when I felt him grab hold of my shoulders. And judging from his bare chest touching my back I would have to say he's still naked. Goddamit!

"Hey, you're already going?" he asked. But I still had my back against him. I can't bear to see him half naked and not without the urge to snogging him senselessly, sucking his air out. And if I get lucky, maybe making out with him would be nice too…_not_! What was I thinking!

"Yeah, I uhmm better get going now. Potions essay remember?"

"I know but why not later?" he asked again, his eyebrows stuck together.

If you want to snog me Harry do it now before I change my mind, and stop making excuses!

_There I go again… _

"Well, maybe I'll let you get dressed for a while, give you some space…" I trailed off, accidentally shifting my gaze on his lean, muscular abdomen. I think he noticed it too.

He cupped my chin and made me look at him. Now this is getting cozy…

"Something bothering you 'Mione? You look kinda pale…"

Yes, there is something. Because I'm having one heck of a hard time restraining myself from kissing you. And it sucks. Because I can't. I'm your best friend and that how things are. And here we are alone, you undressing and me having these sexual thoughts in my head about you and me. If that's not something then I don't know what is.

I feel the room get smaller. I can't breath; in fact I think I feel hot. Is the room or it's just me?

I look at Harry, who I think was looking at me intently. I'm not sure. He's calling me… but everything starts to blur. Slowly…fading.

"Hermione? Hermione?" said Harry, his voice trailing off

I feel the room, no everything turn. I'm getting dizzy. I can't feel my legs anymore…

I tried to speak, "H-harry, I think I---" I stopped. No good, I think I'm going to faint.

I feel all my strength flowing out of me…as if I'm dying. I fell over into his arms. It feels good here, to be held and loved by him…

"Hermione! Hang on!" I hear him shout

Too late. Everything went pitch black.

All that I can muster to whisper were the words that I've been longing for so long to say to him. The three words that meant so much to me. The words that were the death and life of me…

"I love you…" I whispered.

Did he hear it? Or did he not?

And everything went dark with Harry shouting my name echoing over and over my head.

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-end of chapter-


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